A Fictional Autobiography by Todd Perry
Version 1, published on Jul. 13th, 2021
TheSuzy.com Show is another work of sci
-fi about the future of humanity and AI
___Table of Contents___
Story of TheSuzy Show (p. 2)
Preface to the Show (p. 3)
CH1: Regulator Road (p. 11)
CH2: Political Pawn (p. 20)
CH3: Street Science (p. 23)
CH4: Colossi Coding (p. 24)
CH5: More Two Takes (p. 25)
FaTe of FameText (p. 26)
TheSuzy Memoir (p. 26)
Preface by Conri (p. 26)
Preface by Suzy (p. 27)
CH1: Crash Course (p. 29)
CH2: Hacker Hall (p. 86)
CH3: Startup Street (p. 124)
CH4: Poly Poker (p. 154)
CH5: Coding Colossi (p. 183)
Postface by Suzy (p. 203)
Postface by Albert (p. 204)
Fred’s Memoir (p. 204)
Preface by Suzy (p. 204)
Preface by Fred (p. 205)
CH1: All in One (p. 206)
CH2: It Takes 2 (p. 246)
Postface by Phil (p. 253)
Postface by Suzy (p. 254)
___Story of TheSuzy Show___
“My Musings On Everything And The Future”
by Guest Contributor, Amanda Stonewall
__Preface to the Show__
Suzy can always generate an audience by acting like a diva, but she produced the three sci-fi novels that make up TheSuzy Trilogy because even the President of the USA could not have helped us provide this accounting of who has been accommodating who during the last two decades.
I’m happy to assume that Suzy could have avoided becoming a lightning rod for controversy if she had chilled out at some point and stopped trying to be special all the time, but ever since graduating from university, the woman in question claims that, “I knew too much about the people and companies that were most responsible for creating the growing chasm that exists between conventional wisdom and the reality on the ground, and so I had to keep making moves in order to prevent the fake news from pinning the world’s most pressing problems down onto us.”
Suzy also told me, “it’s fun and exhilarating to be Accommodator in Chief,” and, after shadowing her for a year, I concur.
I agree that fake news has become a major problem ever since the 2008 election in the US, and so we have a shared interest in promoting transparency about the global office of Accommodator in Chief, because there’s a lot of fake accommodation going on out there, and any combination of fakeness, inauthenticity, or coordinated jelly attacks can cause lasting harm that could potentially rise to the level of threatening to ruin people’s lives.
We view the grand arts and crafts competition for human mindshare that began in 2010 as a new instance of total machine shop war between individualistic framers, and so we challenge each other to formulate better answers to questions like, “What are Suzy’s books about? Who is she tagging, either directly or indirectly? And, why does her message never cease to feel unduly complicated?”
As a baseline, we’re certainly not trying to be funny. We hope that people who wish to be on the right side of her story will read this book carefully and align themselves with a candid worldview, or not.
That said, a contract worker spent a month generating a, “Diva Appropriations Bill,” that’s modeled on the defense world’s version of that kind of thing, in order to inform us that a growing segment of TheSuzy’s would-be fans have been acting on the assumption that she’s mentally ill, whatever that means, and I feel for her, because one definition of hate speech is that people who become targets of such speech end up enduring harm, even if they do a perfect job at failing to worry.
Suzy does fail to worry, and her disinterest in all the harsh words that have been spoken in relation to her is rapidly increasing!
Some of the bigger text media platforms and the design team at TheBucks coffee, alike, might even label Suzy as an aggressor who’s culturally appropriating the idea of mental health, because she’s paying a writing team, which includes me and two guys named Fred and Phil, editors all, to point out that it’s problematic when people treat our boss like she’s mentally unhealthy.
Pretending to be not well can lead to seriously degenerate, classical, or bellicose appropriation, and that’s why I’m not talking about anyone who does that, except for the department that houses the, “Auxiliary Industrial Diva Complex.”
In reaction to Suzy’s writing action, forces of dubious origin have kept on goading the American people to make fun of our own minds and then deny to ourselves, first and foremost, that we’ve been acting out satirical roles on behalf of big corporations, mostly.
We’ve been set up to pick fights with our fellow human beings and then carry on with fake humor about negative feedback, at the expense of appreciating more books like this.
I, too, feel a mysterious pressure to react before reading, but I prefer to take the author Suzy Landing Andrews at face value, because I broke bread with her in the fall of 2011 at a virtual comic art book conference on the improv stage for retired semi-pro animators, and she asked me to write this preface to the last book in her first sci-fi trilogy, but I’m not wedded to her work.
My full name is Suzie Amanda Stonewall, and Suzy calls me by my middle name.
I chose to join Suzy’s writing team because the facts about what her life has been like gradually became indistinguishable from open source software, and I signed up to be a supporter of TheSuzy’s full-mask political activities because I care about the human condition.
This writing project began in earnest when Suzy and her husband George Andrews, the formerly reclusive hedge billionaire, began distributing a 50k word satire called TheSuzy.com Show, and then they used an episode of $X = a reality TV show about the concept of true love to promote their writing.
$X = a reality TV show was the brainchild of Pierre Babineaux, the fashion mogul and longtime associate of George, who had made another “show” (of sorts) with him in the early 1990s that involved covering up the Englishman’s role in moving the Frenchman’s permanent residence from Europe to Los Angeles.
In particular, George was photographed driving Pierre’s borrowed yacht into the shallow waters near Hollywood, and he stonewalled questions from the tabloids while conspicuously bossing around the team that followed through on unloading the craft and delivering its contents to the mansion in the hills that Pierre had been seen touring with Suzy, just before securing the big house for himself.
Pierre had also eloped with Suzy in Las Vegas, five months prior, and then he had filed for their divorce on January 15, 1993, amid a crossfire of disparaging remarks and not-so-innocent buffoonery that the tabloids decided not to cover.
The self-described, “hot girl in question,” went on to graduate from college in 1994 and marry George, of all people, in 1995.
They wrote code, allocated capital, and became a finance-meets-tech power couple, but then, as if to spice things up a bit in 2007, Suzy played the role of a female robot on her ex-husband’s reality TV show, and all three of the individuals now in question have maintained that her character on that show was actually a mechanical robot.
They have insisted that Suzy never appeared on $X = a reality TV show, and, while jogging in Central Park in a silvery bodysuit with fancy headphones and a futuristic face shield, Mrs. Andrews told a blogger that, “I never lie, and I haven’t entered into any contractual relationships with Mr. Babineaux or his production companies since he dumped me in 1993.”
Deal or no deal, Suzy pretended to enjoy being a mechanical robot on $X = a reality TV show, but nobody has been able to compel either her, Pierre, or George to clarify that the female robot, which appeared to fall in love with Babineaux on the set of his show, was not, “a marvel of technology that remains the most advanced robot ever built,” as he said on late night in 2008 to the comedian Horace Augustus, just one week before the election of President Fay Bobs, whose closing ad during the 2008 election, which she promoted heavily on Socially Aware Distribution (abb. SAD), featured dystopian images of zombies while a booming male voice read the words, “Conventional wisdom became invalid several years ago because everyone got locked into shooting each other down on behalf of the people in charge, but it’s not just the political dynasties that are associated with Vice Presidential candidate Frank Buck Sr. that have lead us onto the precipice of a new kind of world war.”
In the interest of full disclosure, a private security firm that I retained in 2009 confirmed that Suitmash’s billionaire CEO, Frank Buck Jr., who is also the son of the former candidate for VP, opened up a suitcase file on my little brother, Conri (aka. they framed him as a public figure), after I helped him circulate a resume, in which he rightfully took credit for selling the Bobs campaign on that ad, and Conri shares everything with me, so there. I have a beef with the Bucks!
Whatever the case, back when I was a younger woman who didn’t have a clue how to keep the peace, I would have wanted someone to explain fashionable pragmatism to me, and so I was deeply moved to learn that Suzy, herself, had written most the 100k words that appear in the rest of this capstone book, because this text came first.
This textbook map of culture by Suzy is the one that got the party started.
Fay won the election, but Suzy did the heavy lifting for humanity when she verbally democratized the social data that powerful feminists like her and President Bobs typically never get around to validating.
At the center, this first-out-of-Suzy’s-three sci-fi books provides a systematic introduction to the big idea that, “every word matters,” especially now that I’ve fielded the f-word!
We could also call her concept, “thinking like a journalist,” or playing for keeps, or simulating infinite awareness of context, or liking people, or at least, “not not liking people,” or talking about talking, or freak foul farming, or maybe just, “working for fairness, with or without frenetic friending frenzies.”
Zooming in, what would professional framers with time to spare like us NOT call her concept?
Math, in practice.
Striving to make good as Accommodator in Chief (aka. racing against the clock to super narrate the world of media and publishing, etc.) is not like not doing math or computer programming, because the correct answers within those areas of expertise don’t depend on one’s perspective.
In other words, the answers that rise to the top in fields like science, technology, engineering, and math (aka. STEM fields) don’t depend on whether or not each person who’s working the problems at hand might end up dying soon, but in life, all the right answers in the world won’t matter to me or my boss if they don’t help us survive until the next election.
Even more to the point, equations don’t dictate action, because all living creatures tend to become more thoroughly engrossed with reality as they get older, but the people who know the most often make the least effort to help everyone else anticipate the future, because they’re too busy benefiting from the advantage of seeming to be smarter than average, and then the worst actors among us rarely hold back with regard to only pretending to help other people get smarter, but Suzy intends to solve problems in that space.
If we use $ in place of printing her name, The$ Trilogy consists of three books that all ended up weighing in at just over 100k words.
In sum, $T = $1 + $2 + $3, where:
$0 = The$.com Show
$1 = The$ Memoirs
$2 = $’s Memoir
$3 = The$ Show
This book == $1, and I will also use the abbreviation $I to refer to sharkinjury dot com, which is the domain that hosts the document called $hark1njury.
In any event, I initially met Suzy in 2010, because I was using the handle Suz to distribute memes on $I, and she used that site’s messaging features to inform me that:
[Suzy] Were we both Suzes by birth?
[Suzie] Do people think ur me?
[Suzy] They think ur me?
[Suzie] Video chat via VRoom?
Suz went on to hard flake our first few scheduled VRoom dates?
She flaked on our VRoom dates, but I eventually ran into her serendipitously on the aforementioned improv stage in the fall of 2012, just before the increasingly heated and nasty election between President Fay Bobs and the military attache corporate type (aka. the MACT), at which time, Suzy asked me to write this long-form preface for the third and final book within her sci-fi trilogy.
The girl-talk conversation between our avatars in cyberspace was seen on the record, but there has been nothing but speculation about what we actually said, because our avatars were wearing masks, and the audio was not released.
My point is that Suzy has been unusually clever about avoiding the media spotlight. She went on the 24-hour news in order to advocate for the Democratic candidate during the 2004 Presidential election, and then she gave exactly one dozen video taped talks about the future of new age journalism on college campuses, but everything she’s done in public since then has been either staged by her, scripted, or both (and, she totally was Pierre’s sex robot on $X = a reality TV show, but she never acknowledges that, and so I often catch myself sliding down the path of believing that she never actually played that role!)
In any event, the gist of what I talked about with Suzy during our first impromptu conversation is that she wanted me to have complete artistic freedom in my capacity as the author of this preface, with the only caveat being that, as the producer of TheSuzy project, she would retain the right to either veto or request a rewrite of my latest draft, but, in order to check her power over my writing process, she clarified upfront that the only reason she would ever offer for rejecting my work would be, “that I had not sufficiently obfuscated the outcome of the 2012 US Presidential election.”
That is, Suzy will always want the fictional world of this book to imply that Fay had won the 2012 election, regardless of whether or not America’s first female Commander in Chief had ultimately won re-election in a landslide, and she insisted that, “this idea was an excellent formative construct because we discussed the matter and set it aloft prior to knowing the result of that fateful election.”
In that spirit, I’ll proceed by summarizing the material that Suzy paid Fred Trey Camden, another editor of hers who she now refers to by middle name, to ghostwrite the story of her life in Suzy’s Memoir (Publisher: Sandbar Saloon, an by imprint of Rannon and Rooster, 2011).
Rewinding, I’m disclosing the following collection of facts about one woman’s unlikely quest to go against the grain, because the conceptual landscape beneath our feet is vast, and we the people stand to gain a lot of territory, in every sense of each word, if a few of us would just stop struggling to never comprehend the glorious vision of life that Suzy embodied while growing up near the beach, surfing, in San Francisco during the 1970s.
Let the record now reflect a good deal of smoke and a mirror that depicts Suzy joining the class of 1994 at a Beyond the Pale area university and then meeting her future husband, George Andrews, in the spring of 1991, at a happy hour for Billiards Capital, a Connecticut-based hedge fund.
One month later, Andrews paid Ms. Suzy Elsa Landing, who was 19-years-old at the time, a total of £100,000 to bring a team of software engineers out to London for the summer, in order to, “build information management software for the benefit of CLIENT,” according to the copy of their business contract that emerged during the proceedings for the impeachment of President Bobs.
Congress found cause to accuse the President of colluding with Suzy to traumatize the American people, but ever since the trial and acquittal of Mrs. Bobs, there has been a shocking dearth of investigative reporting about the underlying relationships between Bobs, her husband Marshall, George, and Pierre that had existed prior to their mutual entanglement with Suzy in the summer of 1991, and I think Fear of Fay (abb. FoF) is the issue.
The legacy media is profoundly afraid to deconstruct the President’s path to power, because she and Marshall had become rising stars in New York, Paris, and London during the halcyon days of the mid-1980s when everything they touched turned to gold and Fay used her husband’s media stardom as a platform for quietly building an unrivaled network of international power brokers.
Fay’s network, or Faynet, as it’s called in conspiracy theory circles, ticked all the boxes that we normally associate with the pet world domination schemes of the super rich, including a leaked report about her efforts to craft, “rules of the road for containing and redirecting hate speech in the nascent space of online communication.”
By all accounts, Fay went around her wedding planner and hired Pierre as the chief beauty consultant for her 400 guest wedding, and the two self-made moguls have been close ever since, in part, because Suzy eventually made it her business to independently confirm George’s oft-repeated claim that he had randomly met Pierre at a Goth Industrial party in Paris, just four weeks before Fay got married to Marshall, state side, on July 15th, 1981.
Furthermore, several of the Bobs’ society colleagues, who I interviewed in preparation for this piece, remember seeing Pierre and George returning to sleeping quarters together, thick as thieves, after Fay’s wedding reception, and this had struck them as odd because the 27-year-old George, who was working as an economist for a family office in the UK, “seemed like a nobody,” to them, in contrast to the set Pierre had so thoroughly charmed earlier in the evening.
Nobody’s disputing that, but a home video of the much smaller wedding between Suzy and George that took place on August 16, 1995 in Big Sur included a scene that depicted the bride expressing anxiety about the fact that neither Pierre, Marshall, nor Fay had been invited to her wedding, and, while looking at the camera, Suzy-the-bride had said, “It’s ok, because George didn’t attend their wedding, either,” to which George had replied, “That’s true, I was in London that weekend.”
That wedding video clip gives me the chills and echoes in my mind like a haunting episode of deja vu, but asking Suzy about this apparent discrepancy within the historical record only led to additional barrages of difficult questions about the people I had interviewed, and then the trail went cold, but I don’t mean to imply that our protagonist has ever been dishonest, unserious, or worse.
My accommodator in chief is intellectually and emotionally intense in a number of ways that diligent people often crave and struggle to resist, but she’s always balked at the notion that she amassed power by pretending, at each step along the way, to have had less knowledge, money, access, and influence than she actually had, and I believe her, because she’s consistently asserted to the guests at our book signing events that Suzy’s Memoir (aka. $2) was, “journalistic to the nth degree.”
If nothing else, the brand new $uzy 1ibrary in beautiful NorCal includes original copies of the zines that she produced in high school, as the lead singer of a band called, “Air Cover.”
Suzy’s residential library also houses reviews of her band that were written by a local rock journalist, as well as elegantly framed spreads of the European tabloids that wrote articles about her unseemly fling with Pierre during the summer of 1991.
Technically speaking, Ms. Stonewall was doing international diplomacy under the auspices of George, Pierre, and Marshall (aka. GPM news) but Faynet looked past Suzy’s heavy douses of torrential feminine expression, both then and now, because Fay’s legion has never not had bigger fish to fry.
Suzy returned to a Beyond the Pale area university that fall as a sophomore, and the school’s independent newspaper, the Paley Daily, framed her as the first woman in America to declare Computer Science as her undergraduate major using the World a wide Web (abb. WawW), and Suzy has declined to comment on whether or not she pitched the story to the staff writer on campus, whose name was Amy Dunlap.
Several investment banks went out of their way to recruit Suzy in 1992, but a Boston-based robot defense contractor ultimately brought her on as a summer intern in 1993, and they offered her a full-time position upon graduation, as well as tuition to pursue a Master’s degree in compsci, to no avail.
Suzy spent the summer of 1994 backpacking through Europe with her best friend from college, Heather Rockwell, and Pierre invited them and three of their girlfriends from the Mediterranean party scene to walk the red carpet with him, along with George and Marshall, at the opening bash for a new nightclub of his.
Three weeks later, Suzy began a new role as a Teaching Fellow in Computer Science at Const Academy, in Vermont, and she became the focus of a computer hacking scandal that reportedly debased the school’s overall momentum, but a consortium of billionaires connected Suzy to all the people who do computer security at elite boarding schools in the UK, and best practices for information management in the realm of New England got fundamentally better, as a result.
Suzy got remarried, with George this time, after leading him to venture out and learn to surf throughout the summer of 1995.
The newlyweds founded an LA-based online retailer for women’s apparel called costumearty dot com, and Suzy promoted their new enterprise with style and discretion, starting with a Halloween launch party, where she was photographed posing with Fay and Marshall Bobs.
From 1996 until 1998, Suzy and her husband sought to grab power quickly, and they unveiled their ambition to become royalty with a swashbuckling tour of the global south that featured an award winning dance performance with Pierre at the expense of the leading movie studio execs in America, and they orchestrated a questionable contagion capitalization strategy that took the far east by storm in 1997.
Suzy also wrote the software that powered Fay Bobs’ successful bid to become the first female Governor of New York, she floated a virtual currency and an engineering recruiting network with her recurring partner from college, Heather, and then she liquidated everything before the end of the millennium and gave birth to two children with George.
Pierre, in turn, became a father of three children, by three different women, following an orgy on a yacht in spring 2003 that Suzy had attended with a college-aged guy whom she ended up dating for a whole year, starting in the fall of 2002, and Fay responded to these developments by ex-communicating Pierre from her ascendent network of pragmatic conservatives, but Suzy changed the subject by attending the 2004 DNC convention with him and signing up to serve as a socially-aware technology expert and campaign surrogate on the 24-hour news for the Democratic nominee and pioneering populist, Michael Lawn.
The Republican incumbent won the election, but not before Suzy had already hoodwinked George into giving back his share of the world’s most sought after data by founding an online newspaper called sharkinjury dot com, so that they could publish, “a series of radically neutral explanations of opportunities to help governments solve problems.”
Suzy laid the groundwork for establishing the value of their new paper by giving talks on university campuses about the future of new age journalism, but the SharkInjury brand didn’t get traction until it became the subject of a joke at the Bright House Press Correspondents Dinner in 2006.
“Hiring engineers to implement content moderation schemes faster than troll farms can break things became the name of the game,” according to the Ball Street Burner, and so Suzy returned to her roots in the recruiting world and landed a gig as an innovative robot on Pierre’s show, $X = a reality TV show about the concept of truth, itself.
Suzy’s crew also engineered a financial crises and a grating schism within the collective subconscious of the American electorate in 2008 that paved the way for Fay Bobs to become the first female President of the United States, but the powers that be continued doing their best to cover up everyone’s lingering exposure to the last world war.
The Washington Boast framed Suzy’s latest round of gratuitous antics with George as, “a modern couple in search of a bold compromise in the context of strong female leadership,” and Sanity Hair magazine put her on the cover, wearing translucent silk, along with Heather and two more members of their formerly secret society, TheSmilersLeft.
Mime Knife Entertainment staged a fake moon landing with Pierre, but on January 15, 2010, loyal agents of President Bobs followed through on hauling Suzy into the 24-hour news studio in New York that belongs to Bombast Communications, and she endured a disturbing interview with Fred, the same guy who is now a member of our writing team, but Suzy has never commented on whether or not she had agreed beforehand to participate in the nationally televised stunt.
A year later, the President was impeached but acquitted of wrongdoing by the Senate, due to lack of evidence, and Suzy published an outstandingly vulnerable autobiography at the height of the novel coronavirus pandemic of 2011, but Suzy’s Memoir, which we prefer think of as the second book in TheSuzy Trilogy, only added uncertainty to the prevailing narrative in culture, with regard to the staged events that occurred on Suzy’s watch in the winter of 2010, and so I was brought onto TheSuzy’s Florida-based writing team, along with her co-star and longtime associate, Fred Camden and his wingman, Phil Augustine, who has continued to make waves on the side via his role as an Atlanta-based radio show host.
Heather’s community center for artists in LA became our home away from home, and, in the summer of 2012, we published another 100k word book called TheSuzy Show (aka. the Third Edition of TheSuzy.com Show, which began as a living document online in 2007).
And now, without further ado, I’m pleased to present my latest commitment to the never ending task of predicting the future from Suzy’s perspective, but without changing our genders.
Please visit thesuzy.com for more information.
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